Never Here
by desolate
Summary: It's Sakura's birthday - so where is Naruto? NaruSaku


WR: It's Sakura's birthday. So where the hell is Naruto?

~*~

Naruto, you jerk. Don't you even realize how much I love you? I know you say to your friends that I'm the girl who never really cared. You say to them that when I give you hugs and kisses, they're always surreal, and never quite satisfactory. Then you talk about the other couples. You talk about Ino and her boyfriend, and you comment on how happy they are. You talk about Shikamaru and whatever-her-name-is, and you sigh in wonder at their blissful marriage. You talk about – who's it called – Hinata and her so-called boyfriend, and you tell the boys about how great they look together. But you mostly talk about Hinata, and I'm beginning to wonder if you really do believe in fidelity. 

But Naruto, the reason you're a jerk isn't because you don't believe in our relationship, but because you don't even have the courtesy to pretend we're together when we're alone. Yeah, you kiss me sometimes, and I want to melt in your arms, but you never really get into it. You never smile at me, and tell me if I'm beautiful or not, and you make me feel so insecure when you eye the other girls. You never tell me you love me, and that's supposed to be step one in a relationship. Of course you said it beforehand – when we were kids – but I haven't heard you say it in years. 

I remember our first date together. I ended up talking about Sasuke all the time. And you got so mad that you ran off in a huff and didn't talk to me for a week. Our second date went even worse – I decided to atone for my sins and take you out to eat ramen – but I spilled ramen all over your favorite shirt. You thought I purposefully did it – and you sat down beside Hinata, who was all the way across the room, and started talking excitedly with her. Once in a while you glanced at me as you touched her hand or brushed a lock of hair away from her face – and I found my own face squinting in disgust. So this time I was the one who left and didn't talk to you for a week. Not because I liked you or anything, no, no, not because of that, but because I hated to waste time with such an idiot. 

Oh screw it. I even liked you then. 

Our third date – and I remember this because this was the time I decided to kiss you – you were a bloody mess when you showed up. Your hair was a wreck, your eyes were bloodshot, hell, even your forehead protector was missing half of its symbol. And you decided to collapse in my arms as you continued to shiver in the cold, wet rain. I kissed you here – added a little tongue just to make it interesting – and the worst thing wasn't that I couldn't stop, but that I thoroughly enjoyed it, and wanted the feeling of your hand on my waist again. But you fell asleep before I could confess anything, and pretty soon I fell asleep too. So suddenly the morning decided to come around, and you – you jerk – you decided to leave me in that secluded area with your jacket as a blanket. 

It took me hours to find you. But I eventually did – training with Jiraiya as you summoned another one of those giant frogs. 

And I guess by then I was pondering why the hell I wanted to follow you around. I found no answer, though, the answer would come a little while later. 

You know, you decided to ignore me for the next couple of weeks after the kiss. You went out with a couple of other girls, and they told me –disgusting- stories about their experiences with you – at times I laughed with them, at times I cried with them when you left them for good – but I knew suddenly that I wanted to be one of them. I didn't care whether I ended up crying or not, because – hell – at least I could get a glimpse of what being with you was like. 

So I told you. Directly outright to you. 

Well, I had to get drunk first, and you had to carry me all the way over to your house – but they're both the same thing, right? 

And I guess this is where it all began. 

You sucked me into your life. You sucked me into your vortex, into your lair, into you and yourself. You were different around me afterwards. You were so open about whatever you felt, you could cry sometimes and I'd be the one you'd run to when you were upset. 

But not now. 

Now, I think I'm going to be one of those girls who cried over you. 

I don't want to be though – because I still want to look into your eyes and hear you say you love me. I still want to have those moments of peace we have together in our place. I still want. I still love. 

By the way, it's my birthday today. Where the hell are you? Gone? On a mission? Screwing another girl? 

"Sakura," Ino comes up to me. 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry Naruto's not here yet." 

"Yeah, well I'm sorry too," I snap. 

"He'll be here, don't worry. He always comes." 

A moment of silence. 

"It's not fair, you know," I whisper. 

"What isn't?" 

"That I can be surrounded by these many people and still be lonely. I don't care if everybody's gone, just as long as I have him here," I start to shiver. 

"Hn? Really?" Ino asks me. I nod fervently. God, I hope I'm not crying. Not in front of these people. Not for some jerk who couldn't be here. 

"Your wish is my command," she snaps her fingers. 

The room blacks out as people around me disappear. 

And I guess I got the surprise of my life when party poppers suddenly, well, popped from behind me. 

"Surprise!" 

I am surprised. Literally. 

"Sakura-chan!" someone comes bounding up from behind me. 

"Naruto-kun?" I ask. 

"How do you like it? The fireworks I mean?" he pointed as I look into the sky. Fuck. My name is spelled in the sky. With big, pink, fluffy letters and sparks all around the place. Fuck, I think I'm going to cry this time. 

"It went haywire during the last few minutes, so I decided to put up a little illusion party for you," Naruto – the _ass_ – says. 

"You jerk," I mutter, burying my face inside his jacket. 

"Hn?"  

I cry anyway. And this time, I'm glad I wasn't right. 

~*~

WR: Let me barf in peace.


End file.
